Hello World

And by “World” I mean the twelve or so people that may actually read this blog. Hello, tiny people. You are my biggest fans. I love you all. Please become my groupies.

Let’s get down to brass tacks:

I hate blogs. I really do. I hate the idea of them, I hate what they’re used for, and if you have a blog I hate you. Ok, I may have lied a little on that last part. Regardless, let’s take a moment and explore some of the reasons blogs are so retarded.

1. Blogs exist because people are totally self-absorbed.

Take me for example. I paid $180.45 for a good chunk of web hosting and $9.49 for a domain just so I can have a site that is dedicated to me and how awesome I am. I could have set up a free blog at Blogspot. I could have settled for a Twitter account. But nope, I’m way more amazing than that. Besides, Twitter is just lame, easy mode blogging. And in this blog, I plan on writing all sorts of things about myself that no one really cares about, and you’d better believe I plan on exceeding 140 characters.

2. Bloggers believe that their site is at the service of society.

I’ll give people a little credit. It could be possible that someone writes something of value in their blog, but if we consider Sturgeon’s Law, it’s extremely unlikely. The more likely scenario is a blog filled with utter crap that is somehow supposed to “bestow a little wisdom” or “help readers not make the same mistakes” as the writer. (I’m sure I’ll be writing a post on buzzwords and phrases that I completely despise sometime in the near future.) Don’t get me wrong, this idea is okay until we find bloggers that are in complete denial of point #1 yet frequently post superfluous amounts of pictures of their cats.

3. Blogs are filled with the same drama and unoriginal ideas as every other blog.

Am I original for posting a blog entry on why I hate blogs? No. Search Google for “I hate blogs” and you’ll find that I’m just another statistic. In fact, the internet told me the other day that there were 72.82 million blogs in China in 2008. And that’s just China two years ago. What are the chances that I’ll ever post something that actually hasn’t been posted by someone before? What amazingly interesting perspective could I possibly have that could cause someone to want to read my blog rather than Joe Blow’s? Well I guess we’ll see. I’m counting on you, twelve groupies.